so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Rumble strips road head = magical
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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