the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
