...so i touched it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
