I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
