I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
