dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
