i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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