bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
