no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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