Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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