im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
