hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
