atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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