Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
