R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
