I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
