I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
