yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
