Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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