I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
