Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
