absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
