I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
