do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
this is an emotional support booty call
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
