i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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