Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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