i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
