we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
