i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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