just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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