I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
