The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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