Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
