You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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