I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
