careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
