just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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