we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
