Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
