Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
