well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
