is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
