I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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