I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
