she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
