are you still at the devil's house?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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