Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
