There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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