I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
