We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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