I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
