This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
